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CONFIRMATION

Ah, the glorious form-filling ritual! Please do us a favour and complete this form with unwavering enthusiasm. Not only does it serve as the mighty conditions of carriage necessary for our noble task, but it's also our only lifeline to track you down. You see, some folks tend to forget mentioning their access woes, neglect to warn us about treacherously steep gradients that not even Spider-Man could conquer, and even claim their address is easier to find than a misplaced sock, all while conveniently omitting crucial details like a door number, road name, or those magical what3words. Yet, these very same individuals are the first to unleash a symphony of complaints if our driver can't unearth their hidden abode or has to embark on a wild goose chase due to their mysteriously switched-off phones. Oh, the joys of delivery adventures!

Delivery, my dear friends, is the pinnacle of a retailer's epic saga. Everyone yearns for seamless perfection, and most of the time, we do deliver (pun intended). However, we still receive confirmations without the vital intel needed to locate you. Let's take a recent escapade in the mystical land of Shoreditch as an example. All we had was a number and a road. But wait, hold your breath, for that road played host to not one, not two, but a whopping 16 apartment blocks, each harboring over 30 apartments. To make matters more intriguing, they decided to keep their phones on silent, leaving us to ponder the meaning of existence. Now, I pose a question to you: How would you solve this enigma? Fear not, for the answer lies within the realm of common sense – help us help you.

 

PAYMENT

Ah, payment, the splendid dance we perform at the climax of every transaction. Now, pay close attention as we unravel the mysteries of delivery payments, once and for all:

If you made your purchase on the retailer's website, congratulations! You've already settled your delivery fee there, so kindly click that option like a champ.

For the eBay enthusiasts among us, you're well aware that your delivery payment is a separate entity altogether. Please resist the urge to select the "you bought on the website and paid on there" option – trust us, we've seen it all, and we can effortlessly sniff out your cunning plans to dodge payment. Let's save ourselves the embarrassment of hearing your creative excuses. Deal?

Cash on Delivery is the name of the game for Zones A and B. It's splashed across our website, gracefully adorned within the retailer's eBay listing, and even graciously mentioned in this confirmation. Yet, like an inexplicable force of nature, some souls still choose to declare their intention to pay cash in other zones. For the love of all that is practical and safe, we must decline this noble request. You see, one of our drivers had a not-so-pleasant encounter in the streets of London, where a sneaky bandit pilfered all their hard-earned cash. We've learned our lesson, my friends, and we're here to protect both your parcels and our valiant drivers.

 

WHAT3WORDS

Oh, the wonders of what3words! It's an absolute game-changer that leaves us pondering why people aren't sprinting to their keyboards to access this miraculous website. Imagine a world where three simple words unlock the precise location of your majestic abode within a 3-meter square. It's pure genius, my dear friends, and a divine gift to every delivery company known to humankind. So, do us a favor and ensure your delivery journey is as smooth as a salsa dance by bestowing us with your what3words coordinates. Your driver's sanity will thank you

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